valentine's day, someone else's thoughts followed by my own

this is an essay/article i received from a weekly newsletter from my current favorite publication relevant. it's only 850 words. my thoughts are below.

It’s that time of the year again: candy-colored hearts, pink-and-red greeting cards and naked babies shooting people with romance-inducing arrows (which is a little weird when you think about). It’s a time of bliss for the lovebird and contempt for the single, an excuse to dress up and act mushy with the one you love.

Like many of the modern holidays we observe, the true meaning and origins of Valentine’s Day are often forgotten in a commercialized frenzy of money and mass-produced teddy bears. But a little research shows that though February 14 may have little resemblance to the saint it remembers, the heart of the celebration is the same: the mystery surrounding St. Valentine is a love—of sorts.

For whatever the holiday may look like in our culture today, legends say it was created to memorialize the saint (or saints) called Valentine of long ago. Research shows at least three saints by that name were martyred on the day we celebrate love. While the details in the actual story of St. Valentine are largely a mystery, there is an underlying theme for every legend associated with the holiday—a theme that is centered around sacrificial love for one another.

Some believe that Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men so that his crop of potential soldiers would multiply; all current engagements were also nullified. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied the emperor and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. Swooning yet?

When Valentine's actions were discovered, he was arrested and imprisoned by the emperor. While in prison, it is said that Valentine fell in love with the jailer’s blind daughter, whose vision he restored by a saintly miracle. The emperor found out about the healing and ordered that Valentine be beheaded. On the eve of his execution, he wrote a farewell note to the jailer’s daughter, dripping with love and words of affection, signing it “from your Valentine.”

Nowadays, the commercialization of the holiday may have distorted our understanding of the passion of this event by incorporating cards with SpongeBob SquarePants on them signed, “from your Valentine.” However, the original story is as achingly romantic as they come. It is further believed that the “from your Valentine” tradition carried on after the saint’s execution through an annual Roman festival where young men gave handwritten letters of affection to the young women they wished to court. The festival was held on February 14, and determined the romantic fate for young people in the coming year. Fortunately, present-day Valentine cards that kids pass out during class do not determine their romantic destinies, so the switch to candy was probably a smart move in this case—unless arranged marriage is what you have in mind for your children one day.

Another legend holds that Valentine was a martyr for the Church in Rome. According to some theories, he was executed after trying to help several prisoners escape harsh conditions where they were often beaten or tortured. This type of brotherly or Christ-like love is not often associated with Valentine’s Day, but the premise of the holiday clearly lies in the idea of a sacrificial love—to whomever that may be. Even Russell Stover can’t top that.

Another view on this mysterious Valentine character asserts that he was an outspoken priest and volunteer physician who healed the sick. He allegedly combined his professions to work all day healing people and then praying all night for their recovery. When Valentine grew old and became bedridden, he continued his ministry by sending letters to those he couldn’t visit in person. Like the other Valentines, he was imprisoned and sentenced to execution. His offense? Refusing to denounce Christianity in a time when Protestantism was under fire by the Roman government. While incarcerated he received notes, candy and flowers from young children whom he had healed. Even though incarceration followed by execution seems to be the dominant theme for the lives of Valentine, this may explain why today we send chocolate, roses and love notes to our special someone.

So what can we say Valentine’s Day really encompasses? In all cases, it is the effort to protect the sanctity of love—the holiday has become synonymous with all things tender. The idea of celebrating love on the date of a saint’s execution may seem strange, but it is as much a celebration of the life of Valentine and those he helped as it is a memorial of his death. Valentine’s Day is as closely tied to the love of a romantic interest or a friend in need as it is to a passion for God and serving a greater purpose.

Whether you’ll be gallivanting around with your significant other or cursing all things cute, take some time to remember the real meaning of Valentine’s Day: sacrifice and true love. In a society that continues to grow more and more independent and out of touch with those around them, the concept of sacrifice and genuine love should be fought for.
Author: Kayla Smith, Editorial Intern

thanks, kayla. now for my own thoughts.

it has been ingrained in us since elementary school that valentine's day was a public holiday. then, it was more about the art and craft of decorating a shoebox and the receiving of candy [it just occurred to me we could be inadvertently teaching our little ones communism with bright colors: if everyone gives a little, we all get a lot, it's important to give to everyone equally, etc!] the moment hormones came into play, the more elaborate the gifts became and the more elaborate gifts became the more some felt more loved than others and it became a potentially painful or delightful experience for young ones. all before puberty.
i wasn't considered "pretty" by my peers at this age, so valentine's day was a day i quickly started to disdain. so, of course, what do you do with a holiday that rarely shows you favor? learn to ignore it.

i've been okay with this arrangement for many years. if people want to give me a mass-produced piece of cardstock with a funny quip about philia on it, that's fine. that's not how i show or recieve love, but it's cool. i like getting packages from home with cute heart-related stuff on it, and heck, if someone wants to pass on candy, i'm more than happy to take it.

some decide to turn their valentine's day giving into an act of philanthropy: i.e. a friend of mine who is dating a boy decided to make cupcakes and give them out to people instead of to him. i know this could brighten up someone's day, and heck i'll rarely turn down a free cupcake, but it comes off to me as a consolation gift: "aww, i'm sorry you don't have this relationship that i have, but i love you if no one else does. and no one else does. so here's a cupcake."

fine, i'm a cynic. i often think that the midwinter zeitgeist, our long since forgotten new year's revolutions to eat healthy, not to mention the memory of a saint, would be helped if we reworked valentine's day into a private holiday. enough with the excess of chocolate. enough with the paper cutouts of hearts. enough with the telling me i should be "doing something" for valentine's day. i'm not in elementary school anymore--the teacher doesn't break for card exchanges between math and english. and while i have many in my life i love dearly, i can't math the intensity of st. valentine in any of the above stories, so i won't claim that i can.

the moment i do, though, you better believe it will be valentine's day every day.

in the meantime, i'll remember the saint. i'll remember my Lord, who sacrificed it all for me, for the romance between me and my creator. i'll take those reminders to love people more vulnerably in every day--not just the day my floor is littered with pink balloons.

happy valentine's day.

please divert your attention over there

dearest family and friends, whoever still happens to be paying attention to this place:

i have a couple prayer requests to send forward.
1. my roomie's grandfather goes into heart bypass surgery in the next few days. pray for his safety, for the hands and wisdom of the doctors, for his healing. and, above all things, God's will be done.

2. i have friends connected with the fighting and turmoil in kenya and chad at the moment. please be in prayer for families to be reunited, for violence to subside, and for a heap of other things i'm sure i'd be able to articulate better if i completely understood what's going on in these places. again, above all things, God's will be done.
please visit my friend sarah kay's blog, to follow the situation and look for more specific prayer requests.

i get the sense that today is not going to be an easy day.

reports from week three

two days after bringing my computer home from the apple store with a shiny new logic board and keyboard, it started playing the same old games it played before i took it in. so, i head back to store and genius bar (repair center) tomorrow with stern words in tow. i need this computer to work! in the meantime, i've been battling public computers and borrowing friend's computers. and computing less. which is probably okay.

there have been some good things in motion this week, including lunch with a prof i'd never actually met but heard from everyone i talked to that i should meet. we had a lot to talk about! it was good to talk to someone older who'd been sort of where i want to go, is teaching the theory of what fascinates me, and is willing to be a sounding board. every now and then i think that what i'm interested in studying and perhaps doing with my life is either made up or too vague to even begin to relate to someone with, but i'm slowly finding this is not the case. someday soon i'll write a big thesis to get it out in words, but at the moment, it's just the intersection of ideas.

my schedule has evened out nicely, though, and goes as follows:
rhetorical theory
gender and social institutions (a quad)
psychology of religion
Christian thought
stellar astronomy (b quad)

the work of my grandfather has been referenced a few times in my psych of religion class, and it might quickly become my favorite.

weather is cold, snowy, and very sad. it's making me miss sydney heaps and wondering about how to get back!

much love.

more angels

more stories from the city:
a friend of mine and i went to usher for a production of titus andronicus, a shakespeare play i'd never heard of before with a reputation for being the least redeeming of his work. it was an interesting production, for sure, and i'd recommend it.
again, this meant enduring the fun of public transport: hour train ride to the city, short walk to an el, then a city bus. gobs of fun.
i am constantly amazed by people though, and i'll tell you this somewhat sad story. my friend and i, two young white women, are taking an el after dark from the mid-south side (university of chicago area) headed north. our car is essentially empty but for one or two men who are minding their own business.
at one stop we pick up an older man, who starts to make his way towards our end of the car. he starts announcing somewhat absently, "i'm a homeless man, i am looking for change. i am not looking for trouble but just a little help..." etc. he is still at a comfortable distance to not really worry us much, but one of the men who had been sitting in the car saw what was going on. he hopped up out of his seat and into one between the man and my friend and i. he sat there for a moment; the homeless man ended his speech and we told him we had no cash (this was true: we helped a woman trying to make it to a battered women's shelter in elgin. pray she made it.) and stayed at his comfortable distance. the man who had moved seats turned to us and said, "i only moved because he was coming closer," and went back to his original seat.

people are amazing. i don't know what good gets put into men sometimes to make them do things like that--to protect a couple of young white girls on the el from a kooky homeless guy--but i hope it keeps getting there. i hope this man treats every woman like that. granted, he moved back to his seat, but i have faith that he would have moved back had anything happened. perhaps this faith makes me naive. i'm okay with that.
the world of men may be fallen, but there are still angels out there.

there are still angels out there

week one down here at wheaton, and have been struggling to get my schedule together pending some new information i received from the registrar's office. it was good new,s it just caused a minor tizzy among the people i like to take classes from. but that's not what i want to write about here.

i tell this story not because i think it is that amazing of a story or because i think i can turn it into one, but because i do not wish to forget the little reminders to pay it forward.

i went into chicago today to attend a doctor's appointment on behalf of my sick computer and have dinner with a friend. this translates to an hour train ride from the suburbs into downtown and a short bus ride to the popular parts of the city. now, i spent all of last summer catching trains and buses, so you'd think i'd remember the process and be fairly comfortable with it. um. not so.
by the way, it's freezing. below freezing. the kind of cold that no one in the city can deny or try to be tough against. it's cold.
i step out of the train station looking for the bus station, and end up at another train station. i'm doing my best to not look lost.
a woman calls to me from across the little outdoor foyer, "honey? where are you trying to go?" i turned as she came up to me to look at her. she wore a puffy black jacket with the hood pulled up and around her face, but i could tell she honestly wanted to help me. i told her where i needed to go and she pointed me in the right direction. as i thanked her and turned to go, she asked, "is there anything you can do for the homeless?" as i turn back, i remembered some food i took from the dining hall that morning and packed in my bag in case i ran across someone who needed it. i told her about what i had and she was welcome to whatever. she just looked at me and started backing up. "no, sugar, i don't need food. it's cold. i'm looking for a place to stay." i, lacking better words, apologized i couldn't help her, thanked her again and turned to go.
this leads me to a whole new train of thought about the homeless and me, but that's not what i'm trying to point out at the moment.
i find my station and get onto a bus. i forget payment for a chicago bus means $2 in exact change. the smallest note i have is a $20. the bus driver advises me to ask people if they have change. to the five people sitting ion the front half of the bus, i screw up my courage and ask. one man, the person i would have thought least likely to answer me, was able to give me a ten and two fives. i asked again if anyone had five ones. no luck.
at this moment it hits me that i miss sydney buses. i missed my bus pass that took me anywhere, i missed the bus drivers that always gave change, i missed getting on a clean sydney bus with inherently friendly people on a warm sunny afternoon. the whole zeitgeist felt different here, and i missed sydney.
a woman who had her eyes shut the whole time called to me with a bus pass in her hand. "it doesn't have enough on it for a full ride, but it has some." i smiled and thanked her. it was $1.50 short when i ran it by the driver and turned back to the bus. if i didn't have a $1, no way i had quarters. before i really knew what was happening, the man who broke my twenty and the woman who gave me the bus card were next to me fishing in their pockets for quarters. both of them said, "here," and by sheer force of obedience my hand reached forward to accept the six quarters that fell into it. i looked up at the both of them in amazement. "thank you so much," i said. the woman responded, "hey, there are still angels out there." all i could do was repeat. "there are still angels out there." i wondered at the world as i walked back to the driver to drop my $1.50 in quarters.

i know this world is fallen, that people will be in conflict with each other and everything around until God finishes His redeeming work in us and, ultimately, comes back to claim the whole thing. i see it on the news and in every film and song and story with an antagonist. however, i am constantly amazed by how brightly light shines. i don't know if these people who helped me were Christian, and frankly, it doesn't matter to me at this moment. they are doers of good, helping those in need around them not because there was anything in it for them, but because they could. i want to be like that. i hope it reflects the Good. not because i have to or because there's anything in it for me, but because it's the right thing to do. this is my little reminder to always be paying it forward.

so what now?

okay. i started writing "let's recap" three weeks after my arrival and just, this very moment, january 3, 2008, completed it. there's not even pictures or video to accompany it. what's wrong with me? what's going on? what have i been doing? what now?

let's pick up where i left off--asleep in my bed the tuesday before thanksgiving. i wish i could say how long i slept that night, but i genuinely do not recall. i know i slept hard and awoke in a cleaner version of my room than i've ever actually been able to support. i spent the next week slowly destroying that clean room with exploding bags of dirty clothes, souvenirs, paperwork, and electronic doodads. but it didn't matter. there was family in the house.

on wednesday afternoon, my oldest brother matt and his wife victoria arrived. that night, dana came in.
[i realize now that before "this post comes out of left field" i had not mentioned dana. while i'm sure i've seen most of my readers face to face since returning to the states and have probably told them about dana, but just in case i have some lurking in the dark, i'll quickly explain. dana and i are dating--december 30 marked six months for us. if you do the math, that means we started dating just a few weeks before i left. distance was nothing new to us, but spending actual time together as a couple was almost completely uncharted territory. that's the short version. it was a huge blessing to have him.--that's another short version.]
and what do new friends and old family do together? we play wii.

yup.

thanksgiving came and so did my grandparents on thursday. it was a full house, in-depth, crazy/awesome/overwhelming reentry process that worked out perfectlly and would not have changed--except maybe to have brought in my other brother and sister-in-law! all the right people got all the australia fresh stories, i had no need to unpack and no opportunity to sit around and whine about not being in sydney anymore. i learned early on in the semester that the art of not missing is distraction and pushing myself to live in the present. having everyone here helped me do that. it was great.

the last guest left the following monday, at which point i started to actually unpack and consider how the rest of my time off would be spent. since then, i have not spent a consecutive 14 days in any one place.
i made a trip to wheaton to visit friends and reacquaint myself with campus. from there i went to iowa to visit dana's family--who welcomed me so warmly i went back a week or so later to spend Christmas with them. quick turnaround to spend new years with the thanksgiving crowd--sadly sans dana-- in beautiful jackson hole, wyoming.
during my handful of spare days at home, i've been unpacking, repacking, baking, crafting/knitting, cleaning closets, seeing friends, sleeping, and warming the couch. it's been great time off, and a fantastic way to spend six weeks.
i return to wheaton on the 12th, and classes start on the 14th. i'm looking forward to getting back, truly unpacking, and settling down for awhile. it's been an amazing year. i'm sorry i wasn't so good at keeping this place taken care of.

... ... ...

it is oddly normal to be back in the states. i miss bits of life in sydney, mostly the people and places connected with them. it's hard to look back through pictures and even think about making sense of them. i feel that sorting them and creating that little picture book for people to look at finishes it somehow. it's really over once i know how to answer the question "how was it?" the fact that i have not dealt with my pictures and video might also be a testament to the fact that my technology is touch and go with memory and capability to deal with such things. i'll get there someday. there are plans. sort of. in the meantime, i'm trying to still be fully where i am.

so what now? what about this place? i started this blog months ago when i was going to be absent from the world i know. i'm no longer absent. what will be left to try to leave updated? that question i leave to you and to whatever adventures may come my way. if there's interest, time, and adventures, i'll write. silences mean a lack of at least two of those three.

don't disappear for too long, we say to each other. i don't plan to. i just gained a new respect for the song "wunderkind" by alanis morissette, featured on the soundtrack to the chronicles of narnia: the lion, the witch, and the wardrobe. it claims:

i am a magnet for all kinds of deeper wonderment
i am a pioneer naïve enough to believe this...
destined to seek, destined to know...


i'm surely not yet done adventuring.

let's recap

hey there. it's been awhile. nice to see you.

i've been meaning to write since i stepped back on american soil. needless to say, that's been a month in coming. let's rewind a bit.

last real post i wrote, we were in the midst of stuvac and going into our last handful of days in sydney. i did indeed spend them with my australian friends, and came away with some great photographs that i'm still trying to figure out how to organize. (if i open up a flikr or picasa account, i'll let you know.)

that last night, i got no sleep. i stayed up late talking to a friend, and spent the rest of the night packing and getting things together. before i knew what was going on, i was being rushed into a cab that would take my housemates and i to meet the ASC group at wesley. from there it was a teary ride to the airport, listening to music given to me by a good friend and trying to ignore the sad faces around us. we were told on the bus that two of our group would not be coming to new zealand with us. it was weird. my whole life was packed into two bags and a carry-on. i was wheeling them through sydney international airport. what? we're going to new zealand? why? really, we're going?
before long, though, we were all smiling and laughing. our group was spectacular at keeping our spirits up and finding the best in things. i am so blessed by the friends i made in that group.

we arrived in auckland and settled in briefly to one of the nicest YHA's i've stayed in. now, take this with a grain of salt, because i know i'm biased towards sydney--be honest, you would be too if you made it home for four months--but auckland isn't really that much to write home about. sydney boasts a population the size of the entire country of new zealand, and maybe a quarter of that population lives in auckland. that's still nothing to shake a stick at, but when you're used to bursting metropolis 1 million population feels almost rural.

it's beautiful. don't get me wrong! we went on this hilltop--wait, it was a cinder cone--and were able to look around for miles and counted about a dozen other cinder cones without looking too hard. it's beauitful.
we spend a night or two in auckland, then hopped a bus for rotorua, a few hours away. it's a fine stop to learn about maori culture, as it has many important sites. what exactly we did is a blur to me now, but there was fine dining, hiking, hongi/hungi, volcanic springs and hot pools both safe and dangerous, sulfur smells, processing groups, and and beautiful scenery. i do believe i ran down and into a volcanic crater at one point.

after that, we went back to auckland for another day or two. a few of us went on a hike to a little spot called "fairy springs" which was so very pretty and intimate and fun. laughs were had by all. i think i even took a little--very little--video and i'll get to posting that sometime.

that last day took forever. we processed for the last time that morning, giving each other words of affirmation and generally celebrating our newfound friendships. yes, there was crying, yes, there was lots of hugging. there is never enough time to love on people, or words that can say exactly the right thing. but we try.
our plane left in the evening, which puts us at the airport in the afternoon, which has us leaving the hostel after lunch. it's hard to say what we did with all that time as we never dawdled or stopped moving. waiting in lines? asking for directions? checking and repacking bags? once on the plane, it was hard for me not to reflect on the difference between the coming and the going.
i know these people now. we've stopped asking those introductory questions of "what's your name? where you from? what's your major?" i am used to seeing their faces and enduring all sorts of strange circumstances with them (six people in a 10x10 room: the outback. overanxious museum guards: canberra. tribal dances around a fire: the bush. just as kimberly read the inscription on st. patrick's breastplate every time we boarded a bus, we prayed for traveling mercies.) i am used to dancing with them, laughing with them, fighting with them, caring for them, and suffering with them. this final plane ride was a last hurrah.
we had the wind with us as we moved, so the flight was shorter than the first. some slept, most watched at least part of a movie.people started to get up and be social in the last two or three hours, as we knew that when the plane landed would come a flurry of activity and the inevitable fracturing of our group as we made for our separate connecting flights. and that's exactly what happened.
i was one of the last to split from our group. some had flights right away and couldn't afford to socialize, others had hours and wanted to find a cozy spot to settle into. i was able to get in contact with my big brother brian just like four months before. we were together for an hour then he helped me carry my bags to my terminal.
i almost didn't get on the flight to northwest arkansas due to some bizarre overbooking issues. one person turned to me and told me how i could have checked in online before i left home. all i could do is smile. "according to the calendar, i left 'home' about fours in the future from now, and have been traveling for approximately the last twenty. checking in early wasn't really an option." a few moments later, i was ushered onto a plane.

when i arrived at the airport i've known for years, the smell of arkansas air rushed back into me. arkansas winter will cary from high 60's to mid 30's every few weeks. stepping off the plane i knew i was in the midst of a warm swing. it was lovely. my mom met me at the gate with open arms and a handful of "welcome home" balloons. i climbed into my bed that night with a strange sense of peace. i was home.