a week and a day out (a collection of thoughts)

a friend of mine asked me recently what i want out of life, and i had no good answer for him at that moment. what dawned on me within the next day after much pondering was that i want a life full of stories where God comes through. i'm uncertain of precisely how cliché that is, but if i were to describe my last few days at wheaton that little phrase would pop up frequently.

my roommate, karen, and i happened to acquire a car the night before we needed one. karen was an amazing help and bright light while loading up and moving me out, and driving brilliantly through the insane weather that hit chicago that day. that weather held off just long enough for my plane to get home safely, even if it was a little late. i found out that my sister-in-law had been accepted to law school for next fall (CONGRATS!). you know what, i'm just going to chalk that whole day up to God being cool. i hope for many more days like that.

in the first few days of being home, i kept constructing really broken metaphors about what it's like to be graduated: none of them have stuck with me. to be honest, it does not feel real yet. i'm checking my grades online every day with bated breath to see if i passed everything. i still expect to go back to campus in a week and a half and buy textbooks and get lunch at saga and ask people how their breaks were, while at the same time it has been hard to remember that everyone else has another semester of work to do before they get the kind of time "off" i have. it's this strange middle ground of realization i'm living in.

as a highschooler or freshman, post-graduate life seems a million miles away. adulthood is something you leap into with both feet and once you're there there's no going back: a flip is switched and you're done with things you did when you were young. as a senior and now a post-graduate, i've realized the line is much thinner and the gap much smaller than what we all think. grown-up status is not achieved in one big ceremony (truth be told, marriage might be an exception to this, i just don't know), but something you wander into like a blind mouse.

there is so much i could say about the last semester. so much of it seems a blur now, but arkansas has that effect on things. i hope to keep thinking through the things i've been learning and keep on trying to love the people i've been loving, and maybe some more. this bears saying over and over again:
honestly, wheaton friends and fellow improvvers, you have made my life more beautifully complicated. if it weren't for you, i wouldn't be working so hard to find ways to pay rent in wheaton when i can get both free room and board in arkansas. so, you have that on your heads. you have been a bit of heaven on earth for me. thank you so much.

merry christmas, happy new year, may the Lord pour blessings on your head when the world seems bent on curses. stay tuned.

blur

oh hi it's been awhile hasn't it oh it doesn't feel like it at all no really i can't believe it well i mean how could you when the weeks have been as packed as they've been i've had books to read and papers to write and people to love and shows to see and housing to sort out oh did i mention i found a place to live i'll show you a picture when i get around to it you can see it pretty plainly on google earth yeah it's funny i'm not sure how i feel about it but whatever it's owned by this really nice polish lady who can't handle my name very well i mean so many different nationalities have trouble with it yeah more than you'd expect but anyway it's real nice and i'm thankful to have it sorted out i wanna have people over all the time or be with people at their places because i mean that's what i'm staying for right and augh i can't believe how many people i'm thankful to know and i feel bad because i hardly ever have time to tell them how thankful i am for them or even when i do usually end up fumbling around with silly words or hand gestures and it always gets worse when i haven't slept normally and that's been happening a lot lately so i've been running around giggling incessantly at people it's actually pretty fun in the snow but it's gotten warmer all of a sudden and what was snow is either ice or water and that's not very nice to walk around in but hey it beats the frigid air that i'm sure will come in january when everyone else goes back to class and i go to get a job doing something anything hey friend can you get me a job i don't even really care i just want something that will give me enough time to hang with people when they get outta class and maybe take people to the city to see improv shows or possibly take a class i don't know if i'll have time for that or finances or whatever it's hard to say at this point and there's so much that needs to happen between now and then that it's hardly even worth thinking about now so yeah i got some finals and a couple papers to write and then i need to pack and check out of my apartment and then i can fly home where i'll be happy to see my family and not worry about next semester's homework but from here on out it's gonna be a little different isn't it what with not being in saga every day and not even having chapel to feel guilty about missing and everyone else's life just goes on and stays generally the same oh life is so weird in these moments oh totally yeah me too i've got to read these books and say some things about them i guess yeah i know right just trying to get through but we'll talk soon okay because i really like you and am so glad we're friends good luck with your stuff aw thanks yes talk to you soon later.

breathe deep, believers.

the night is young, and you're so beautful. let's get everyone up to speed!

about two weeks ago, post script ambiguity hosted its second show. it was another hit! we focused a lot on sensory perception. we included games that wheaton improv has never played in a formal show before, such as "taster's choice" (where two createe a scene and are occasionally handed a cup of food, such as peanut butter, hot sauce, and flour, to inform them of the next direction the scene takes), and "head in a bucket" (aka "oxygen deprivation": three players create a scene, but one of the three players must have their head in a bucketful of water at all times, and all players rotate into the bucket at some point. no one dies). i was in the latter, but not the former! we were received warmly again by our amazing audience, and look forward greatly to our last show of the semester next week.

by the way, it bears mentioning that my dad will be coming to that show! i'm really excited for him to be able to see what i do and hopefully understand it a little better. as we have come to say in improv, "it's easier done than said." oh, but for more things in life to be this true!

musicians the decemberists came through wheaton a day before our improv show for a halloween spectacular. the band came dressed as characters from "the shining" (including two men dressed up as the creepy twins: the lead singer noted that they were "probably the fist time two men in drag have stood on the stage at wheaton college"–– which, i can tell you, is not true.) it's always a little funny (and rare) to have secular groups come through and play at our edman chapel, but so glad that they took full advantage of it and got permission to play the chapel's organ on a "dracula" theme. it was brilliant. i stood at the front of the crowd with a friend i made this summer who came in from the city for the show. had a great time, but sad that i came away with no pictures.

as my curious fascination with the passage of time persists, i find it notable that a year ago i was in new zealand, trying to get the most out of being abroad for the last time for awhile. this thanksgiving will be different for sure, but i know i'll be no less grateful to be home.

classes have reached a kind of calm before the storm, if you will. due dates will start dropping like flies in the last week and a half before thanksgiving, and so i'm going to try to use as much of my time as possible to be sure i hit those marks.

and, for the record, i'm a little less freaked out now than in my last post. well, let's be honest, it comes and goes. BUT. i'm confident, i'm job hunting, and i'm hoping for the best. all will be well.

thanks for your love and prayers.

hey, everyone? can i just be honest right now?

um. yeah. let's just get this out there.

i'm terrified.

yep. terrified. i'd put it in all caps if only it didn't sound/look like sarcasm, and i'm far too serious about this to even pretend that sarcasm or a joke. but i'm serious. i'm scared.

this weekend/monday/tuesday has been fall break, which gives poor wheaton students a little time to collect themselves and take a break from breakneck classes. it also marks the halfway point for fall semester. for most of us, it doesn't mean much. there is still a lot of time and steady pace to keep for the rest of the year. for me, it's halfway to where the sidewalk ends.

all that fell on me recently, causing a lot of stress and a few tears. i sort of hate to admit it, but i'm a planner. i've been told that i wasn't always that way, but have become so over the past few years. i don't know how true that is, but either way i know i'm not much for surprises and generally feel a little helter-skelter without at least an idea what i should be doing. i've learned, thought through, and talked a lot of theory of what life should look like over the last few years, and the challenge of maintaining those ideas and theories while still having a place to sleep can appear pretty daunting.

all that is to say, this last month or two is going to be extra-everything. prayers and unconditional support are welcome, if not completely necessary.

much love to all.

absentee ballot, a haircut, and squirrels

i received my absentee ballot this week, and can i just say my heart started beating fast when i opened it today? weirdest thing. it did. my first election, guys! this is a big deal for me. my state has been republican for the last thirty years (except when clinton ran), so who knows what my vote will actually amount to. BUT. look at this cute little pencil they sent in the envelope (just as i started thinking "what do i fill this out with?"--are they READING MY MIND?!)!

(a dime is presented for perspective.)

for those keeping track at home: if my hair seems shorter, it's because it actually is. i, after days of hemming and hawing about my awkward growing layers of hair, took a scissor to it myself in the bathroom. it is all part of the master plan of growing it out, i promise! all to say, i feel very proud that it turned out so well.

although the weather seems to be suffering an identity crisis, the trees and squirrels are not. in our backyard at home, we have two shrubs i know by the name of "firebushes" because of the way the leaves turn from green to red in top-down sequence during the cooling days. the whole campus has been hit by this changing. what a glorious way for summer to end, no? the squirrels have to be among my favorite things to watch: they are out in force burying things, digging up things, misleading each other, daring to do things that needn't be dared in the summer months. they are hilarious in their resolve.

first show, among other things

post script ambiguity's first show was last night, and we were a HIT, if i may be so bold to say. we packed out our smallish venue to standing room only, despite the large choral concert going simultaneously that drew away many friends who would have otherwise attended. our host commented several times that we had a great connection with our audience, and i loved playing for them. after spending weeks performing for only one or two people (who are mostly watching to correct), it's SOO GOOD to get the energy from a larger audience and to hear them laugh. all in all, i got to play a male cheerleader, host a party where neo, a spokesperson for marco's polos, and someone who jumped when they heard the word "and" were all in attendance, a small child who santa had done very wrong, and disown a friend with a gas problem. we had so much FUN.

this week has been a full one-- jumping through my hoops makes life busy. i've done a little bit of design work where i can, like this poster for RA applications i think is pretty cool.


no word on the australia job, and i don't really think i have much chance of actually nabbing it. the good news is that i have some folks here in wheaton who might be liking a roommate come january... BUT WE'LL GET TO THE FINE PRINT OF THAT LATER.

i am, however, very very jealous of my family who have seen each other recently. hopefully i'll get some folks up here to see a show in november! blessings to all.

hey! heylookit! it's me!

i would be so flattered if you pushed this link. you'll see my pretty face!

and this is my troupe, Post Script Ambiguity! LOVE LOVE LOVE.

homecoming weekend

hi! let's do the obvious thing and have a little breakdown of what's been going on recently.

academics
my three classes are going well. this is the time of the semester where things start to kick into gear, the end of what freshmen call the "honeymoon phase." in my communication criticism class, we have been asked to select a "communication artifact" to analyze. i've picked a series of south park episodes called "imaginationland." it'll be rough, it'll be challenging, but it'll be fun and possibly destroy a part of my soul. ON TO THE NEXT! my media class is rocking my world, the way i use technology/media, and even how i see symbols and everyday life. these new ideas are foiled perfectly by writing for media. it's been fun.

extracarricular (basically, improv)
hey, remember that one time i said i was doing improv and had been selected to play on a new troupe? WELL! after months of deliberation, we have named ourselves "post script ambiguity." what does it mean? why did we choose it? you'll just have to come see us play! we practice about four hours a week, and have recently been clicking along pretty well. our first show is next friday, october 10. if you're in the area, come see us! also-- checkout the WheatonIMPROV website and look for my picture and bio under "players." i'd be much obliged.
i'll be performing in a sketch show for the class of '83 with four of my fellow improvvers this weekend, and a couple of guys will be working from a sketch i wrote!
improv has been great to and for me. i can't begin to say how thankful i am for the people, the affirmation, the challenges, the community i seem to have fallen into. i look forward to performing with them.

i've helped my friend anna put on a study abroad meeting by making some posters for her and being available for questions during the meeting. i miss australia a bit, which leads to...

i'm applying for a job with the study abroad program in australia. it's scary, but i've got to start somewhere.

life, in general
man. i'm a crazy awesome mess. from time to time i get weirded out by things, especially since a cold front has struck in the last two days. i constantly have to remind myself that no, i am not a junior, yes, things happened during freshman year which was not a year ago... i'm in a perpetual time warp. semesters abroad will do that to you! but, i'm loving it. i need to take more time to commemorate the passage of each day, something i regret about september and hope to reinstate for october. preemptive nostalgia is not helped by all the alumni wandering around with BABIES and such.

i've started to attend an anglican church called Church of the Resurrection, which is really different from my upbringing and kind of a new thing on the whole for me. i could write a really long passage (probably a dissertation) why i've started to go there, but i'll spare you. i just find it odd to look back on my church experience over the past few years-- when i left for college, liturgy of any kind made my heart queasy. by sophomore year i attended an orthodox easter (pascha) service, and after flirting with non-denominational all last spring, i'm starting to actually like the liturgy a little.

and with that, i leave you-- gotta go work on a sketch show and then analyze "imaginationland"'s plot structure. i hope all of you are well.

oh...it's september

if you've been around long, you might notice that i am constantly amazed by the passage of time as marked by a season's change. i know. i've been on this planet long enough and should probably be done with the childlike wonder, but i'm totally hooked.

so...it's september. fancy that. i've been in blissful ignorance of that fact for the last week due to beautiful weather and general frolicking that comes with extra-long weekends and shortened weeks. but, today, right on target, it begins to rain and get cold and has hardly let up. i'm wearing a jacket, a first for the season. but it's just september, let's not talk about daylight savings time ending and winter happening. let's not talk about it, okay?

be in prayer this week for wheatonites. some receive undue amounts of tragedy--and of course there is never a good time for that.

and that's all.

epic transportation fail

today, i was supposed to make a complicated trip to see an australian friend who happens to be visiting the US. suffice to say, i didn't make it. let's break down the segments of this trip that needed to happen:
1. take a train from wheaton into the city.
2. catch another train from the city to a southern suburb.
3. get picked up by a friend and drive 2.5 hours to final destination.

okay, perhaps its not all that complicated. but when you factor in train schedules and the distances between train stations--it becomes more so. SO. here's what really happened.

i show up on time for my first train, but it is running late. very late. the train that was supposed to come before it hasn't come yet. but a few friends of mine are in the station, so we chat and guess where the train could be. a middle-aged woman passes us and mentions that there is a hostage situation at a bank around the station before ours, so the trains are held up. a hostage situation?! WHAT?
one of our little group offers to drive us all into the city after we decided it was not worth waiting on the train. so we pile into his van and head out to brave chicago traffic. there is still hope that i can reach the second leg of my trip upon arrival to the city.

we get downtown amidst five o'clock, friday night, downtown TRAFFIC. it takes us a complete turn around the loop to figure out where the my train station even is. in the middle of this navigating, i get a call from my roommate who updates me on the hostage thing a bit, and says she heard there might be problems with the southbound train lines. she was right: all the southbound trains were delayed. in the station, the PA system seemed to be saying that trains were starting to move again, but i could not gauge how far behind they were or if it was worth it to stay or not. i am an hour and a half behind schedule, so i call my would-be ride and last leg of the journey and tell her to go on without me. give our friend a hug and a kiss and an apology.

i ended up spending the evening with my ride and his friend from home. we had a great time that never would have happened otherwise. i think that's the first time ever a plan has gone that horribly wrong circumstantially, and what bizarre (and tragic) circumstances! the heck!
i'm going to go out on a limb and say this: my plans have this funny way of just getting messed up. (particularly if there are trains involved). on this particular trip, i did everything right. i packed up perfectly, i got cash before i left, turned off my computer, was on time for the train, yada yada yada. and the TRAINS mess up. other times, the error is mine and the plan goes to pot. my plans just have this nice way of not working.

politics (i never intend to discuss them seriously here)

when classes begin on wednesday and are followed by a three-day weekend, it hardly feels like they've begun. but, such is the case. this week, our second "week" of classes, things are starting to roll at a respectable pace. it's keeping me on my toes.

in the past few years, i've followed somewhat in the steps of my father by expressing a minor interest in following politics. i say "minor" not as an expression of my father's sentiment (i'll let him do that for himself), but in my own. i say "minor" because i carry no banners, fly no flags, and basically only have a fraction of an idea of what's going on at any given point in time, but usually carry just enough information to get me into trouble.

and with that information, i will confidently say this.

enough with the "maverick" schtick. it's been said too much. get over it.
all the writers must have had a field day when this mccain descriptor first hit paper: "maverick! it's brilliant! it denotes a rebel, an independent thinker. and we NEED to distance ourselves from bush right now. have you SEEN his approval ratings? YIPES! and, it connotes youth and action! mccain is getting nailed for his age. let's show him smiling and call him a name that makes us think of mel gibson saving the day! and sarah palin can be jodie foster! cool!



i'll be the first to admit: it's a great word. kudos for thinking it up. however, it's the kind of word that doesn't bear repetition well. repeat the thing and it loses spark. let me assure you, it was overused before you got to it (ask google to define it, you'll get over a dozen other users of the word). but when everyone and their reporter's and pundit's moms are saying it, it has jumped the shark. SO. MOVE ON.


just for clarification: i'm not saying mccain isn't a maverick. i'm not saying he is. i'm simply saying the word has been over-applied and now does little but annoy me. i am saying palin is hot. i'm not saying that matters at all.

welcome to wheaton

i believe i coined a new phrase recently: collegiate mortality: the sudden realization of a: how long it's been since you were a freshman, b: how quickly the time has passed, and/or c: how much longer school as a stage of life lasts. just like real mortality, but for college students. since arriving back on campus yesterday, i'm already in full swing of it. i may have said this before, but it seems fitting that my final semester would be the one where i felt most in-place, most accepted, and most included of any of my semesters. yep. fitting.

but anyway. there is much to write about, and it is very late. remind me to write about being at home, the "joys" of travel, packing, and moving, the first few days here in chicago, and all there is to look forward to.

s'mah burthday!

one of my good friends has this lovable way of speaking in an accent reminiscent of a young child from the south (if you're thinking it's you and the title of this post reads properly to you, it probably is you.) it makes me feel strangely at home in a siblings-at-play sort of way.

it hasn't been an easy past few weeks for me here in chicago. please don't fret, i'm in no danger, but you know how sometimes things just get hard and there's not much to be done. my roommates have gotten more colorful--or perhaps off color would be a better way to put it--since classes have ended for us all. my bike, dylan, has become a labor of love: first, he needed some inner-tube replacements and a little TLC for his gears. then, as though the repairs gave off a scent for those in need of some fast cash, one of my wheels was stolen during the night not two or three days later. i'm not having a great time at the internship (in fact feel increasingly out of place there as time goes on), and i miss seeing my friends from that photo class that ate up my life. funny how things work, innit it?

i am thankful for the friends who have listened to me gripe in a variety of ways and supported me with little things, showing they're paying attention. it really does mean the world, you guys.

the bright lining is that today is my twenty-first birthday. seems crazy, no? i certainly don't feel old enough to be 21. i feel about 19. but i suppose when i turned 19, i felt about 16. and when i turned 16...i felt about 14. see the pattern? it seems that my perceived age is perpetually two or three years behind my actual age. who else gets this? i wonder, does this gap between perceived age and actual age get smaller or larger as time goes on, or does it fluctuate with time? will i feel 24 when i am 26, feel 45 when i am 50, and then go back to feeling 62 when i am 64?) i would love some insight on this perceived age/actual age gap.

i plan to celebrate by going out to dinner with a sorority pal of my mom's, attending a new friend's birthday party on friday, and traveling home on saturday. that is the finest gift of all in this--i get to go home! there is a lot to do between then and now--packing, getting final moving out plans underway, and some of my own projects i've been working on.

can i just say something about being 21? there is a benefit for being under 21 when you're like me: you have an easy reason to say "no" to a lot of things that you're probably just as well without. drinking, and certain shows and clubs (or what have you. personally, i hardly know what to do with myself in a room full of people i know. somehow, going into a dark room of people i don't know just doesn't sound like a good time. sorry.). now that i'm over 21, there goes that excuse. i'm not saying that i'm tempted to dive full-on into a world that has been thus far restricted from me--the opposite, in fact. it's that i have no attraction to the things that i should be rejoicing about now. it's just a heckuva lot more complicated to explain that "no, i don't have problems with other people doing these things responsibly, it's just not my idea of a a great time. plus, that stuff tastes funny. plus, it's not like it's a nutritious drink and i'm trying to watch my health. can you tell me why i should want this? ", as opposed to, "thanks, but can't. not 21 yet."*

except for voting. i'm pretty stoked about voting.





*this entire conversation is an interesting one, actually. i feel as though i'm in the minority of my similarly-aged peers, and it begs questions about how alcohol was treated in my home as i grew up. i'll just clear it up: my house has been alcohol-friendly for about as long as i can remember. not soaked, mind you, but friendly. i was always allowed to try some of what was being served if i wished, and did upon occasion. there was no vilification or exultation of the thing, it plainly was what is was. that's all.

my dad's running for public office!

hurray!
my dad is running for school board in my hometown!
and if that weren't enough of an exciting thing, he's letting me help him setup his online connection and maybe his yard signs! of course, i'm just excited that there are going to be yard signs, with my dad's name on them, but having a hand in them is pretty cool too!

so. keep watching, and i'll be posting a link soon. three cheers!

gloat time

since i'm on this image spree, i'd like to show off some work i've been doing recently.





(don't be fooled: if you see a texture in the black of the above two images, i can't claim anything for it. it's got some weirdness to do with the file as it uploaded... i like it, for sure, it looks great. but it was not intentional and i am not that cool. imagine them with flat black fill: that's how cool i am.)

this is a technique that a fellow art student taught me a few years ago. he called it rotoscoping, but after a little reasearch i'm not positive that's precisely what i'm doing. my technique takes a photograph and traces over it using adobe illustrator, photoshop's forgotten yet prettier sister), creating areas of color value. but, i think rotoscoping is more in reference to animation, everything from snow white to a scanner darkly, apparently, and i'm not sure what i do fits under that umbrella. the text-based one is really my little pride and joy: it actually spells "mere" from top to bottom, if you look really closely for the "r" section.

after seeing this little collection, my friend mary kate asked if could do one of her. of course! i said, just give me a little time.

more images to shake many sticks at

ta da! these images were in my digital photography final last fall.









these images were part of an assignment for the same class. we had four images to take: a panorama (mine, true to meredith form, was up and down instead of left to right), a macro (close up of an object), landscape, and a portrait. my friend chris was happy to oblige, and he took one of me in turn (see my new profile picture!)

massive photo linkage!

alright, true fans. i dare to test your loyalty. for those of you who have been aching for australia pictures since i got back, here's your chance to see them. warning: they are organized alphabetically by event (roughly) instead of chronologically because i was not about to plow through hundreds of photos that have been moved from storage device to storage device (ie. thumb drives, an ipod, a failing computer, an external hard drive, and a new computer) and figure it all out. good luck, kids!

aussome one: aquarium, aromafest, birthday, boat tour
aussome two: bondai videofest part one
aussome three: bondai videofest part two, et al
aussome four: technically, new zealand one.
aussome five: technically, new zealand two.
aussome six: technically, new zealand three AND nightwalking one
aussome seven: nightwalking two
aussome eight: the outback
aussome nine: photo excursion round one
aussome ten: photo excursion (again)
aussome eleven: traveling, random july and august
aussome twelve: random september and october
aussome thirteen: october, november, and spiro camp?
aussome fourteen: the bush, and wesley institute
aussome fifteen; the last walkabout: wesley and leichhardt life

i'll see if i can get my digital photography portfolio up in a post of their own soon.

jeremiah 29, finals, and the internship (in reverse)... and batman.

i finished my classes last week, and have passed with flying colors. i hope to get images up soon so you can see what i've been working on, but be patient with me. i have a way of not doing these things on a good timetable. (ask anyone still waiting to see my australia pictures!) i enjoyed my experience more than i thought i would-- i was pretty apprehensive about being a "Christian-liberal-arts" girl at a "secular-art" school. thankfully, people are people, and if you smile a lot they can't help but smile back at you. i am going to have spectacular laugh lines when i'm old. i don't think, though, that columbia is the right place for me to continue my education after wheaton, based on the kind of academic tracks i would try to fit into. i did, however, make friends with my professors and an academic advisor who might be able to help me find a place, or help me brainstorm ideas about what my path could look like after graduation. i am thankful for these connections and looking forward to a meeting with one such connection next week. (psst...we're looking at grad schools. don't tell.)

i started my internship this week at saatchi-- so far it's been pretty low key. there are at least twice as many people around now than there were this time last year, so the office dynamic is a bit tougher to tap into and i'm spending odd amounts of time doing odd amounts of things. i write this from the internship, if that gives you any idea as to how my time is being spent. an old office friend keeps telling me i look "lost." maybe the look on my face knows something i don't.

around high school graduation, people are quick to quote, or add to their signature in the cards they send, Jeremiah 29:11: "'for I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." this is a message of hope for me people my age everyone, hope that there is something for us to do with life. that we were selected to be where we are for a reason and meaningful purpose. but, something i read today reminded me that that's not the end of that address. it goes on to say:
"then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. you will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."

now, if my old testament class served me at all, the last part gets on about how the israelites have been exiled from their home and how the Lord will bring them back, etc., but i still like the way this interprets for my life (and that's about all i can say i have authority to interpret, if i even have that.) i need to be reminded that that plan isn't just for the Lord to cast down a blessing for the future and call it a day, but for me to turn back to Him and continue to seek Him. wholly. and He will find me. i love that. at this stage of my life, even when i'm really not sure what the future holds, i love that this promise holds true. i need to do a better job keeping up my end.



other notices!
a year ago, i was still settling into sydney. this fact is still settling into me.
i saw batman. i am still giddy about it and want to see it again.
i am so thankful for each and every one of you.

humidity

i miss bugs.

it sounds weird, i know--who misses bugs? with their creepy-crawleriness and tendency to show up in undesirable places. truth be told, it's not their physical presence i miss nearly as much as their sound. katydid, cicada, grasshopper, whatever it is that "sings" at night (especially the frogs, who can be deafening in arkansas at this time of year) are eerily absent in the city. even lightning bugs are hard to come by.

humidity has really set in over the last few days, and i am feeling like there should be afternoon bugs to go along with it. the air is just too quiet. i am starting to miss arkansas.

the concept of time

i hope i can write as much as i want to soon. there are many words stuck in my fingers, so keep coming back.

i discovered during the weekends and summer months while still in high school that the hour between three and four in the afternoon move faster than all the other hours in the day. i think it has something to do with the difference between the feeling of, "oh, i have plenty of time, it's only three" and "oh, wow, it's four, dinner's going on soon, i'd better get going with this!"

as i've gone through college and experienced more late-nights (and all-nighters) than i'd probably like to admit, i've discovered that the same feeling is true of three and four am. the sun begins to rise around four or five, depending on the season and the hemisphere--at any rate, the birds start to sing. what used to be the very dark, quiet, work-intensive "night" starts to show signs of becoming "morning," and nothing can be done to keep three-thirty where it is. it goes by fast.

and now, as my twentieth year on the planet comes to a close, i've noticed that july is one of those months that sneaks, much like the four-o'clock hour. may and june pass by with all the brightness and spark of late spring, but by the time july sets in and by the time it is noticed, is already half-gone. i just looked up, and here is july, already in its waning days. "back to school" suppllies have slithered into grocery and clothing stores, the fourth of july gear is on sale for half-price. people are packing up and going home for the last time before school begins anew, and i'm left confused, wondering why it is not june anymore.

i already miss summer.

the darkroom: love it, hate it, or spend the rest of your natural life in it.

on our first day of photo class, we were informed that we would be lucky and moving right along if we got one print done per hour. "haha!" we all scoffed, "we've learned how to use the enlarger and do a test strip for density and make a good looking print! in fact, we got four prints done in an hour. what could be so difficult?" enter filters. filters are the magic ingredient to making photography a guessing game rather than an equation. what was science becomes art with the entrance of filters.

i won't bore you with the explanation of what filters do. in order to do that properly, i'd have to tell you everything i've learned in my photo class--you don't want that. i have to salvage the readers i have. all that you need to know, i suppose, is that i've seen (and have been) someone staring at two very similar photograph prints on a white board, hand to mouth in concentration, trying to decide which is superior. this could take thirty seconds or five minutes and a second or third opinion.

it takes ages.

the kicker is, most of that time is spent waiting. waiting for the enlarger to stop putting light onto your hard-earned image (10-30 seconds). waiting for the image to develop (2 minutes). waiting for the image to stop developing (30 seconds). waiting for the image to be impervious to contact with future light (1:30). waiting for the majority of the chemicals to wash off so it can play nicely with skin (1 minute). all that to take the print to correct light, look at it for three minutes, decide what improvements need to be made, and go do it again.

it. takes. ages.

hooray for finals week!

101: minister moody

the older black man called me when our eyes met. “God said he’d help me. i think you’re it.” he introduced himself as minister moody, like the Bible college. his teeth were worse than his wandering eye, and he smelled faintly of time. he needed sixty dollars for medication--he had a family. i hesitated, strangely sympathetic. i had one bill: not enough. i bought him orange juice and a sandwich at a convenience store instead. i walked home wondering if i’d done the right thing.
i passed him again a few weeks later, he needed a ticket for the el.

censorship, blogroll, 101/55 a-day

(and now, let the navel-gazing begin: blog style!)

there are things that do not end up posted here, mostly trying to put together a "public face" for readers i know and readers i do not. i consider that tactic "safe."

but look around. posting is infrequent, impersonal, and i end up worrying about whether or not the person i'm portraying through my own writing appears to "have it together" or not. i like to think that most of the time i do, but i'm human and there are days when i decidedly don't. it's not that i want to push myself to blog on these days because, more often than not, it turns into a pity party-- i'm just saying it couldn't hurt to be a little more open here.

also, you might have noticed the "blogroll" feature i just put up. these are some folks i know (as alyssa k. puts on her blog: "firends i like and strangers i stalk") who write things i like to read. i feel as though i should introduce them. considering i can't tell who visits (if i have readers, they don't comment, the chances of you as a reader already knowing or being an author of one of them are fairly high). all i'll say is have a little fun. it don't hurt to visit someone else's site, and you never know: you might make a friend.
also--several of these are committed to 55 or 101-word-a-day posts. this makes for some interesting, albeit esoteric, fiction. i hope to join in soon.

blessings.

happy (belated) fourth!

i woke up the morning with a little back pain. search me! sitting around waiting for it to subside gives me a good excuse to post some fireworks pictures i took!

it's been a sort of standard couple of weeks around here: nothing too crazy going on. class, homework, running errands and trying to get some sleep! this weekend, of course, was the fourth of july!

school was closed on the third for the holiday. why? dunno, but i'm not one to complain! thanks to that nice day off, i bummed around the apartment updating my sketchbook, then went to see the fireworks downtown. yep--chicago does fireworks on the third of july? again, search me. i didn't have a great spot, but here are a few shots:





on the fourth i met a few friends of a friend and visited the taste of chicago, and then went with them to their place in the suburbs for a cookout and playing. it was a sweet evening and i met so many friendly faces! i wish i had a proper chance to say goodbye to everyone, as after the fireworks we had to race to get to my train on time. such is life! we had a great view of fireworks that night, and i came away with some (i think) really cool shots. they even warranted titles!

fan dancer


snap, crackle, pop


mother and daughter


helix


galaxy


flowers


palm trees



as much as i love fireworks, something about the tradition leaves me with a strange flavor in my mouth. i am thankful for what it symbolizes, but man, could the ceremony itself be more unnerving? whenever i find myself amidst of the kind of crowd that shows up for community firework displays, i can't help but think of every disaster movie i've seen or some kind of revolutionary coup where everyone leaves their home and takes to the streets out of fear or revolt. the moving crowd took over the street in the city on the third--and it becomes all the more clear how much power a crowd has and how much one person is at their mercy. groupthink, as it were. but then, in some abstracted way, that's what democracy is: when mob rule puts on a suit.

this week: really and truly getting into gear for my finals. it's hard to believe they're coming so quickly, but i'm excited for what they'll turn out to be!

breakthrough ministries

last saturday i found myself serving at breakthrough ministries , as they celebrated opening a new, and may i say, amazing men's shelter. they threw a giant block party with entertainment, free food, games, and people. even the jesse white tumbling team came out!
there were tons of volunteers, kids, adults, and lots and lots of food. i got put in a food tent assembling and serving hamburgers and hot dogs and was at it for nearly five hours. i made some friends at my tent and with some folks from willow, the church i've started going to. i had a great time.

i've also had the pleasure of seeing my friends perform at iO a few times in the past few weeks, which is great fun in and of itself, not mentioning the el rides to and from wrigleyville. (cub games nights are the most frustrating, but somehow the most assuring).

classes are going just fine: we're starting the home stretch in both drawing and photo: discussing and getting the gears turning on final projects. woohoo! i'm definitely looking forward to getting these things done and i'm just as curious as anybody as to what form my projects will will take.

speaking of, these are from my sketchbook-



drawing cloth is still a hard thing for me, but i think i'm getting the hang of it. i really like the way the umbrella turned out!

i miss being with you all.

movie! on my block!

as i walked back from church this morning, i passed a sight not often seen.


View Larger Map

a section of balbo street, above, was cut off from traffic and covered in film crews, traffic diverters, and actors. ("b" is where i passed by. "a" is where i assume the blockage ended. "c" is where i LIVE. boom baby!)
i asked a traffic diverter what all the bustle was about, and he said it was for the film traitor. he said that85-90% of the cast was in chicago today, doing reshoots of walking from place to place. and just for today. i may or may not have seen don cheadle walk into the south loop club, a local bar/restaurant. (but it was from a distance.)

the film comes out in august. i wanna go see it now!

where are you from?

i had to answer this question all the time in australia. and it makes sense, too-- you talk funny, you have a slightly different way of dressing, and something about an international kid just reads "international kid" to the locals. it makes sense. but i have recently started getting the question again.

it makes a lot of sense. i just forgot that i wasn't done answering the question because it's just been so long since i got it. and i forgot how complex the answer was.
i'm from arkansas by way of the suburbs by way of australia by way of chicago.
of course that's not the answer i give when i'm really asked, but it's the most accurate concise honest answer i have.

maybe it's just late, maybe i'm over-thinking things. but i think the variety of answers i can give for this question is fascinating and i never would have guessed any of it a few years ago.

good news!

i have to congratulate my big brother, matt, for recently being accepted to med school at / uams, after a long process of back and forth with different schools and such. give three cheers and a huzzah for him!
also, keep victoria (his wife) in your prayers this weekend as she takes the LSAT. [my family is brilliant. is that okay to gloat about?]
also, keep ME in your prayers this weekend as the entire malony clan except for me will be in arkansas briefly. i am jealous and excited for all of them, but the last time all seven of us were in the same room was last may! this will not do!

stay tuned.

update. and not daily.

hello! this is the second week of june, if you can believe that. i've been here three weeks! it feels like a day if it feels like a year. i am enjoying my classes well enough. i have enjoyed getting into some discussions on theory with my drawing teacher and our class continues to bond, slowly but surely. my photography class is even smaller than the drawing and meets twice is often, which means we are quickly becoming friends and complimenting each other's photos. it makes being in class until nighttime tolerable.

last week, dad was in town on his last visit to chicago. due to our schedules, we didn't get much face time at either of our mental peaks, but i was glad of some company. we stopped by the chicago blues festival and were able to listen to blues great johnny winter jam before dad left bright and early on friday morning.

i FINALLY got into wheaton last weekend for improv playtime, and it turned into an afternoon of hanging out with folks and dinner! it was SO GOOD to see friends, to chat, to share a meal, to giggle over online movie trailers and laugh at shared references. (we even shared the best kind of Christian school humor: theology jokes.)
i miss hanging out with those people. next weekend can't come soon enough!

on sunday, i saw a little more improv at iO, but i missed my friend's show. and walked home from the train in the rain. i sang the whole way home!

this week doesn't hold anything that exciting it would seem. i'm doing some volunteer work for a gaming graphics class at columbia (will report on that!), keeping up with homework and the like, hopefully going back into wheaton this weekend, and perhaps doing some vounteer work with some contacts i made at willow creek last week.

meh. not much to report. i have borrowed a few seasons of the office and am plowing through it, and have been listening to ender's game while working in the darkroom and on my sketchbook. i'm keeping myself entertained.

much love to you all. i am super envious of my family this weekend, as ALL my brothers and sisters will be gracing
northwest arkansas with visits.
miss you.

ps. i am now facebook friends with the president of my college.

of course.

of course, it doesn't take two days for me to fall off the wagon with this "one post a day" thing. keep on the lookout, i'm coming back.

ch-ch-check it out!

tomorrow, i'm going to wheaton to play some improv with kids i like. yippee!

summah (round three!)

well, hey there kids. what's up?

it's hard to believe it's been only how long now? three weeks or so? since the last post. my locales have changed since then, but not much else. i'll try to give the short version:

i spend my first few weeks of summer at home in arkansas, as planned. i had a wonderful time once i started some allergy medication (who knew?) i saw a few friends from high school, putzed around the house with mom, helped with housework, saw some fun movies, and basically got pampered by my folks for two weeks. it was awesome.

last saturday, i jumped on a plane back to chicago. a friend of mine helped me move in to the apartment that day and took me to see some improv (io) AND the neo-futurists! the next day i got some rest, continued to settle, went on a nice walk to the parks, and went back to io for a friend's improv show. dee-lightful. monday i really slept in and seriously unpacked.

classes started on tuesday:
-drawing I: tuesday/thursday, 1:30-5:20pm
(we've yet to go till 5:20, but it seems some days we might. i'm no good at drawing and don't even like it much, but it's kind of a basic i need to get under my belt.)
-photography I [taken together with darkroom foundations]: monday/friday, 6:00-9:40pm
(basics of taking a good photograph.)
-darkroom foundations: tuesday/thursday, 6:00-9:40pm
(basics of custom-printing a good photograph. this process is specific and technical, part art and part chemistry. it should be interesting...but expensive. ouch.)

if you do your math, that means i'm in class every evening until 9:40 or so. ouch again. these classes end on july 17th, leaving me the rest of the summer to do as i please. i plan on making myself available to saatchi part/full time intern/volunteer. the office seems bustling nowadays, very different from last summer. it was under half-full then.

recall last summer, when i had an old bike i called "charlie?" i left charlie at school between the end of classes and my return to chicago, and it appears that charlie has been stolen. i miss it and hope somehow it misses me, too.
but i still need to get around! i went back to working bikes to see if lightning struck twice. never the same way, it seems. my new bike, who i have named dylan, is newer, bigger, looks as though it has been lightly modified for tricks, and is covered in funky stickers. very different than old charlie, the old road cruiser. i would love to meet dylan's previous owner for coffee, a drink (once i'm legal, of course), or whatever the heck it is that person likes to chat over.

the apartment is okay...not great, but okay. my room is spacious, i have a bookshelf and a desk and chair when i thought i would have no furniture. my roommates are still strange creatures to me, but nice enough. i am still curious about a great many things, including what cleanliness standards can be negotiated between the three of us. i am, for the very first time, feeling like the "clean" one. i mean, my own room is a little chaotic, but i was taught to put my stuff away in the kitchen for sure. particularly if one has used someone else's kitchenware... also taking out the trash, and HOLY COW WHY DON'T ANY LIGHTSWITCHES WORK IN HERE? WHAT HAPPENED?
the summer is still very young and i look forward to what there is in store.

in the next few days, i look forward to participating in critical mass with dylan, shooting, processing, and printing a contact sheet for another roll of film, doing some sketches for my sketchbook, going into wheaton for some improv love, attending willow creek chicago, spending some time with my dad, and sorting through some paperwork. it's gonna be GREAT.

one last thing: i'm hoping to restart my promise for a post-a-day. i would love to get in the habit of making a daily short post to be sure days don't go by without my consent. here's hoping. check back soon and often! love and miss you much.

looking backwards

as of this evening, i am done with the academics of junior year. in the quiet and guilt-free moments of no homework i find myself looking backwards about the semester, realizing that not everything significant that happened was said here. dare i try to recap? oh, let's.

somewhere in the midst of winter, i became relationally single again. as with all things that end, there is sadness and a wish for something greater, or just anything different. hindsight is twenty/twenty though, and with the more time that passes the more it feels like the right thing for us.

i applied for an internship with a magazine in orlando. now, if you've been around long, you know i have this thing for RELEVANT. i've been a fairly loyal reader for around a year or two and have thought that an internship there would just about make my day. so, i emailed my resume (which i built specifically for them--i didn't have one before that!) and application. a few days later, they asked to see some of my design work. I ran around like crazy trying to get things together. after i send the pieces in, i got feedback right away saying they liked one of my designs! sadly, i haven't heard anything since. it's really okay, i still have a lot to learn before i can have something to add to that conversation and i was probably up against people who were. i'm still constructing my portfolio, people!
again, hindsight is twenty/twenty: if i had gotten this internship, it would have thrown a wrench into some pretty longstanding plans (say, graduating in december for one?). it would have been cool, but the only way it could have made sense is if God reached down and opened some serious doors. because He didn't, i know where i'm not supposed to be and that is about as reassuring as knowing where to be.

for a few weeks, there were wild hypothetical plans about the spring break: about a two weeks before spring break, i had no plans for the nine days off. there was a tentative plan of visiting my friend in london for awhile, but a little schedule comparison told us she'd be busy with classes the majority of the time i had off. plan nixed! then, a crazy last minute plan formed within week before break to take advantage of a friend's unusable (to him... not to me!) plane tickets and visit australia. that plan was pretty unlikely for sure, but i get the sense if we had thought of it sooner, it might have happened.
at the end of the day, i went home to arkansas. it was good to spend the time with my parents and see whoever was around to see me. i was even able to earn a little money doing data entry for dad's office! go me (thanks, dad).

i started taking voice lessons on campus essentially after spring break. i had been meaning to turn in the paperwork for weeks, i just kept forgetting. when i finally did, i was given a teacher who handed me a syllabus and had me pick up my standard music books from when i took voice in high school. the whole experience of taking voice wasn't exactly everything i wanted: ie, i rediscovered that i'm not very good at sight-singing (STILL) and it's frustrating for me, i learned that i do not really care for italian arias and random english songs. maybe i'm just a good old rock and roller at heart? beats me. the positive things i do take away from it is an increased confidence in the sound i make when i sing. during my most frustrating sessions, my teacher was quick to reassure me: "do you like the sound of your voice?" "...sometimes.: "you should. it's a very pretty tone." she also says my "color" is interesting and pretty. after years of wondering if i could still make a sound people wanted to hear, i've found i can!

on a related note, i took this re-found confidence and applied it last week. i have a close friend (future roommate!) involved with the women's chorale who's been on me to audition since we were freshmen. i finally took her up on it and gave it a go. the director voiced my range, had me sing part of a prepared song, and sight-sing. everything but the sight-singing was great--but we both seemed pretty confident that i'd re-learn it and be better in a group. she accepted me to the choir on the spot. i was elated.

if you recall, i took a psychology of religion class this semester. it was great. i was offered an extra credit opportunity by the department to spend some time with a grad student learning to administer some basic personality tests and interviews. i was paired with a the lovely nicki, and we met only four times after spring break. our last meeting was this tuesdsay, and she gave me a beautifully prepared essay about myself. through the tests she proctored and self-reported tendencies, she did a really nice job picking up some basics about me and man, it's nice to have some of those things affirmed by something as silly as a test. for me, the best news said that i have, despite all witness to the opposite, a very high level of intellectual capacity. on the flip side, she reported that i have a processing speed that is not relative to my intellectual level.
all that is to say: welcome, everyone, to the frustrating sideshow that is my mind! you can think very well with abstract ideas, but you do so at your very own pace. that's only a step down from knowing the future but not being able to tell anyone about it.
nicki is very sweet and i hope we stay friends next year.

i do improvisational workshops. did you all know that? think "who's line is it, anyways?" but less cheap, short-form laughs. i've been playing in them since wheaton improv started offering them in the fall of 2006 (with the exception of last fall, of course!). i am the last of that class of workshoppers to leave workshops: everyone else had quit or been bumped into a troupe. it was a little sad. but! i am pleased as punch to say that i have at last been placed in a brand new troupe with six other workshoppers. this is kind of a big deal, as wheaton improv has a very rich history for a such a young club--it's only six years old and already filled with personality, disappointment, insecurities, great triumphs, restructuring, epic stories, and "africa" by toto. and only four other troupes in its entire history. our troupe, unnamed as of yet, is the very first troupe made completely of workshoppers who had never been "tested" in another troupe. we're all pretty new at this, but chomping at the bit to play together and perform for a crowd. if all of this reads like russian to you, let me sum it up: my picture will be on that wheaton improv website come the fall because i get to perform making up things in front of a crowd as part of a club. oh, and watch this.

those are some of the overarching themes of this semester that are too big to get talked about but too small to have a huge impact. i don't know how i'll come out academically, but this is probably my best and most hopeful semester here yet. i hope next semester, my last, lives up to my hopes. i know i'll at least be busy--but doing things i love.

looking back on this semester--taking it in. breathing. i suppose it's not all the way done yet: i still have to pack and fly home! but it feels too short, like i'll come back next week and grumble about classes some more and do my homework on my bed. i can't tell if that's the semester abroad talking, or if it really moved that fast.

life does not look the same for me as when i arrived back here.
little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter
little darling, it feels like years since it's been here
here comes the sun, here comes the sun.
and i say, it's alright. it's alright.

i arrive home on friday.

it was just getting too nice, wasn't it?

well, well, well. even though we are a few days from may, this still happened:



that's it. breaking a nigh-on two-and-a-half-week stretch of amazing weather, we actually had about twenty minutes of very chunky snow this morning. after revealing this fact to someone who was in class during this time, he responded with, "oh, it snowed a little awhile ago? that's like throwing up a little in your mouth. if it were a blizzard, it's like, 'okay, it's a blizzard. that's what it is.' but with 'oh, it snowed a little a while ago' there's no satisfaction." yep. actual conversation had at lunch.

so, last week of classes. the weather makes it feel like mid-march all over again, so instead of an exclamation point at the end of that sentence it feels more like a question mark. really? this is it?

allergies, end-of-year cabin fever, AND pulling out the heavy jacket from where i tucked it away are in full swing. it's gonna be a fun week!

oh! the apartment!

the apartment is a very nice two-bedroom, two-bath setup in the south loop--about three blocks from columbia's main buildings. the building itself is nice and, although some mention was made of other columbia students in the building, but is mostly quiet families and couples. sweet.

the apartment currently houses three columbia students, all girls my age. two of the girls are moving out, and i am replacing one of them. i haven't met my other roommate yet, but the going sentiment is that everyone is "totally laid-back and easygoing." seeing as i am too, i think it'll work out okay between us. if there will be a third roommate remains to be known.

the gal i'm replacing had the secondary room, which is a very nice size and has its own bathroom across the hall. the other two girls shared the master room and bathroom. again, not sure how that's going to pan out, but--there you are.

i look forward to moving and settling in and finding creative ways to live simply and cheaply there. i'll be making use of local second-hand shops, i'm sure, and maybe even getting creative if i have time. i won't promise pictures.

summah (round two)

here's what happens in my brains when i start making plans. ready? go.

i process things through writing them out. so, when i wrote down my last post, i started realizing a few things. there were housing issues in chicago i hadn't thought about before, some fairly good reasons to be in arkansas that hadn't previously occurred to me. what am i doing? i thought. so, i talked to dad, and started to create some hypothetical plans that put me at home. in the last few weeks, i've been trying to play out these two scenarios with a foot in each camp.
push "fast forward" on the whole ordeal, and i've got a moot application at the processing the u of a, an apartment in the south loop i've visited and accepted, and a frustrating back-and-forth relationship with every department at columbia.

yep. so, after a few weeks of thinking about changing plans, my plans have remained the same. um, why did i think i needed to post this? oh. that's right:

while i was downtown yesterday visiting the apartment, i walked around columbia's buildings to try and get some class situation ironed out. i'd never intentionally been there before, and had no idea who to talk to or where to go. after asking some security guards (i even charmed smiles out of both of them!) and people behind various desks about the right place to be, i found my way to the right department where i received me a very informative (and hopefully useful) sheet of paper.

and as i walked, i realized that i was scared of being there.

i'm not all that certain i'm really cut out for doing what i'm studying to do. my confidence fluctuates with my audience. columbia is an arts school, exclusively. in my mind, it's a tough audience. my insecurity feeds itself with silly, as-of-yet unsubstantiated assumptions about people at the campus knowing their stuff and an animalistic sixth sense for fear and insecurity. i know that these things aren't necessarily true, but i can't get myself to believe it just yet. i'm still scared of what my peers will think of the naive Christian liberal-arts girl when she doesn't perform to standard. or doesn't always get the joke. or asks the stupid questions. or... catch my drift? after spending a few years where Christian community and standards of value are generally accepted, i'm comfortable and out of shape with the rigors of defending lifestyle and faith. i'm nervous.

people i love have a good way of helping me remembering a few facts: i am there to learn, that i am often my own worst critic, and i have just as much right to be there as anybody else. doing what scares you most is probably the most interesting choice to make, and interesting choices make for full, fun, interesting, rich, hard, and fruitful lives. i get the chance to look at the sky and say, "okay, God. it's all you. i'm hands and feet now. help."

so. that's where i stand on this whole thing. scared. but hopeful and full of faith.

this week is the last week of classes, and then finals week: i only have three, but they're all on wednesday. prayers are welcome and thankfully received. love to all.

summah summah summah (promised post out-of-sequence)

that's right. summer plans. well. maybe i should be less vague. i'll lay out all the known plans from here until december (because that's as far as i got).

this summer, i'll be in chicago taking some summer courses at columbia college in chicago. (not to be confused with columbia university in new york.) to finish my minor in graphic design, i need just two more classes, and it makes sense to do them this summer instead of next fall. graphic design faculty within the wheaton art department have been flighty--honestly, it's like the wheaton version of hogwarts' "defense against the dark arts" professors. this move also makes sense regarding my credit needs to graduate on time*. i'm looking forward to doing some good work with people who know what they're doing when i really have some time and energy to put into it, instead of trying to juggle three other classes plus intense design work.

when i'm not in class, i intend to be back at saatchi and saatchi x internship. they've been asking about me coming back since i left, which i'm still incredibly flattered by. since i won't be there full-time, i won't be monetarily compensated and i've come to a place of being okay with that. another summer with the ssx crowd is fun and heck, saatchi for two summers in a row is not a bad thing to have on a résumé.

i'm still in the process of understanding where i'm living, exactly what classes i'm taking, or how it's all going to work out. i've been having some trouble with columbia's administration departments (no one can tell me when i register or if i am eligible for housing...(okay, it seriously took a week and 8 emails for one department to send me a housing contract. that's not good, people. this isn't rocket science, this is a school. figure it out.)). i'll be visiting them soon to have someone help me out face to face!

recently i've started to question if there's something better i could be doing with the summer. columbia's a great school, but it's not the only arts and design program around. i love chicago, but i know less and less people who'll be around to play with me. saatchi's a great opportunity to hone skills, but it's charted territory, so to speak. i sort of wonder if there are people i could be connecting with either at home or who knows where that could be pushing the edges of my map farther out (sticking with the "charted territory" metaphor!). i find most rest in this plan when i remember that this summer is not last summer, i'll be working with not only ssx people, but columbia students as well. eek! i am actually a little nervous about the whole thing. but i am excited, so i suppose it all equals itself out.

*i hope this doesn't come as a surprise to anyone, but on-time graduation for me is december, 2008. yep, a semester early. if you couple a healthy amount of credits from high school AP classes with a vigilant crackdown on gen eds and making every hour count (even in australia!), and you get your classes done very quickly. i've almost always known graduating early was possible, but wasn't sure about it until a few months ago. when i got back from australia, i realized that wheaton does a lot of things well, but it just isn't equipped to teach what i'm interested in. there's just not much use in me sticking around. so, i've applied for my degree, gotten everything checked out, and i'm good to go for december 2008.

where do i go from there? beats me. back to [another] school? some time off? try to get a job? embark on another grand adventure across the globe?

and yes. it scares the living daylights out of me. the strangest fact is that i get more and more comfortable with it as it draws nearer. i'd assume that's a bell-shaped curve and i'll start flipping out again in another four months, but in the meantime, it's alright.

i am hungry for adventure, though. there is too much work to be done in the world to sit still for long.

the computer saga

from january to march, i wept over my poor broken laptop. the circa 2005 ibook g4 had its logic board replaced three times, and still didn't work. thanks to the insurance plan we purchased with it, repairs and replacements didn't cost a thing. when the support team at apple heard what i'd gone through, they decided to grant me a full computer replacement. apple is obligated to give me the same or better from what i had, but they don't really make ibooks anymore. so they upgraded me! all i had to do was send in the old to receive the new. just before spring break, i packed my lappy in a box and bid it adieu. some people have pets, some people have actual children, i have my computer. it was a sad day.



a week later my new computer was waiting for me.



a shiny, clean, new, and billion times more powerful macbook. (of course, it's still in the packaging here).



ever since then, i've been a computing madperson. i've been chatting with international friends (who can see my face for the first time in months!), writing papers wherever and whenever i want, and tweaking my interface to my sheer joy. it's a great machine and i couldn't be happier with it. i shall always remember my first little lappy, though, and hope it's in a better place now.

and that, ladies and gents, is the story of a computer: your first promised post.

look who decided to show up!

sorry it's been awhile, fans. a busy few weeks coupled with only the handful of good news here and there means very little posting from me.

i hope to write the following blogs as soon as time allows:
-new computer!
-hanging out with dad!
-summertime opportunities!
-spring break laziness!
-cleaning out the cobwebs of my mind (you know you're excited about this one)!

and i'm sure more will follow. on the upswing, some good news:

it would seem that with the arrival of april brought with it spring. we had snow on Good Friday and again the following week, but this week we have experienced the unthinkable: a thunderstorm. it has been safe to leave buildings with a medium-weight jacket for the last couple days, and people have been breaking out shorts and flip-flops. not en masse, mind you: we come out slowly like the bunnies skittering across campus, but there they are nonetheless. i might even venture to say that the grass (gasp! wheaton has grass? the place isn't constantly covered in snow and eugh?) is starting to look a bit greeny and there are even sprouts of flowers coming up from the ground. it is almost a solid month behind my arkansan counterparts, but better late than never.

april also brings the last solid month of school for wheatonites. our finals week begins on may 5th and ends on the 8th. april can be just as hard as the winter months sometimes, with no days off (february and march had heaps of them, thanks to the administration's understanding that we will become miserable if we don't calm down a little in february, spring break, and easter) and lots of things due, plus the ever dwindling time to be with friends while the outside is hospitable.

this time with friends takes on a new weight with me as i realize i only have another month, then next semester to be with them. it figures that i would have to leave just after feeling like i'd settled in. isn't that just life?

life looks a little different for me than it did a few months ago. but i'll tell you about that later. happy spring, loves! i wish i was there or you here. or both of us in sydney with two green public transportation passes and nothing do to.

ps: i have a new literary pet peeve. take note.
loose and lose are different words. if you loose something, you un-tighten it. shoelaces, muscles, and change are loose. if you lose something, you've misplaced it or cannot re-attain it. friends, keys, and places in line can be lost.
but these are just loose definitions, and well, you might lose my point.

i forgot to mention!

these pretty people came to visit me a few weeks ago. we visited the museum of science and industry, walked downtown to see a giant ice sculpture in millenium park, and went to dinner on the magnificent mile. it was very cold for my southern counterparts, but we enjoyed being together.

i am currently in the process of finishing my last assignment before spring break. i'm headed home, where i look forward to some downtime without pressure of national holiday nor pending travel. i've had a good quad, challenging, but not mind-numbing. i'm not sure i'll have the same luxury next quad, but at least the snow might be mostly gone for it. that helps.

i miss you dearly.

let me tell you

there are few more self-conscious activities a graphic designer (or anyone professing an interest and/or knowledge of visual communications) than the assembly of a resume (and by extension, a portfolio).
for anyone else, a resume is strictly about content. for most people, they know employers will be looking for their past work experience, their interests, and their skills. they can even fudge a few lines with some elaboration or omission. readability and clarity is a must, for sure, but that is pretty standard and achievable goal if one understands how to use microsoft word.
however, if you claim to be a decent designer, the content of your resume is maybe only one half or two-thirds what an employer is looking for. the choice of typeface (incorrectly known as "font") and the chosen grid to display your information all display your ability to solve a visual problem. as far as i can tell, no employer is expecting an overly-elaborate layout--the standard form is not a bad one as it is often the most readable and easily understood as a resume. i'd say that no employer wants to open a resume and think, "what is this i'm looking at, a typographic explosion?" one must still be aware, though, of the various ways to solve the problem creatively while still having respect for the form. there is very little fudging about that. your resume can say "i'm a graphic designer," but the way it is designed has potential to call your bluff. and frankly, that just makes me nervous.

on a brighter note, it is march. the quad is almost over, spring break starts next week, people are going to dinner in twilight instead of pitch black, and today, i stuck my toes into a small stream of water formed by melting snow. i don't doubt that jadis has more wintery ridiculousness to send our way before spring is actually here, but it is so good to know that it is coming.

since my stay in sydney, it's been a long time since i experienced a full season from entrance to exit. last spring i saw summer come in illinois, but never saw it leave. same for summer in sydney. now, i'm seeing spring enter on winter and i WILL see it turn to summer on this continent. that is a strange reality.
at the very least, i'm opening my windows.

how i started a controlled fire in my dorm's kitchen

my school's dining hall does not do sunday night dinners. this means students get to be resourceful or perish. i thought i'd be resourceful and scavenge this week.

i had a strange idea to bake one of the pie crusts i bought randomly at a grocery store closing last week. i didn't have any filling, but i like the crust all by itself anyway, so the theory is good. i went to my dorm's kitchen where said crusts are stored, unwrap one, and put it in the oven.
two guys i know came in mid-bake with a frozen pizza, so we decided to split the oven. within ten minutes, my pie was done. however, since dorm kitchens are public kitchens, and collegiates plus public places often equal "devoid of anything useful due to excessive 'borrowing,'" there aren't any hot pads in the place. i'll just grab it gently with my hands, i thought wishfully. i went for it, got nervous/jumpy in mid-lift, and dropped the whole thing (but the tin) straight to the bottom of the oven. the oven is still on, due to the pizza. we can all to the math here: light pastry+ very hot metal= instantaneous smoke and very real danger of ignition.

i panicked: i tried to navigate the kitchen as if i were going to turn off the oven and pull out the pie crust from the bottom simultaneously. the two pizza guys seem very chill about all this until smoke becomes a major issue. they found a plastic bag to cover the smoke detector while i took out their pizza. i had just turned off the oven when the guys asked if they could finish their pizza before i cleaned up. "guys... if i leave it in there it will catch on fire!" "yeah, it might, but it will just burn itself out and smoke a lot, but be no big deal," they respond. i know these two have had experiences with fire alarms, so i finally gave in.(a fire alarm is not an uncommon nor well loved tradition at wheaton.)
we prepped the room for the whole ordeal--closed the door, opened the window, turned on a vent over the oven, got a saucepan full of water, turned on the a/c on high, and noted the nearest fire extinguisher. within a few moments the crust caught on fire, sending flames five or six inches high into the oven that made me freak out all over again. "guys, guys, this is bad, we should open it, we should turn the oven off...!" "no no no, it'll burn itself out, you'll see." it did, but not without sending smoke through every vent the oven had to offer.

these two guys, bless them, stayed with me till their pizza was done and the oven was off. they advised me to come back to the kitchen later so the smoke could clear and the oven could cool down. nothing could really be done till then. they were right again.
i came back and cleared a few huge chunks of char from the bottom of the oven and cleaned it as best i could. the fiasco was over, and we miraculously avoided setting off a fire alarm or even causing that much of a fuss. (i won't go into how the bottom floor of my building smelled for a little while.) however, it was at that moment, bent over the oven with a sponge from who-knows-where, i decided that februaries are hard.